Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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