i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
