I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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