I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
