its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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