sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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