she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
