Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
