So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
