If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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