Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
