Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
