I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
