yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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