I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
