this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
