i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
