the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
