he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
