there's paper in my vomit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
