Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
