Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
