New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
