Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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