before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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