I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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