there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize