i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
