I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
