She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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