I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
