I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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