He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
