"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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