I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
