she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
