pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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