She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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