Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How does one acquire holy water?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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