I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
