i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
