Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
