ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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