Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
