sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
