I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
