New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
