Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
