I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize