my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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