We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
