Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
