My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
