I love black thongs
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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