I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
