That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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