They should really pass out barf bags in church
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
