Cold hands, warm shart.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
