There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
do nipples grow back?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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