oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize