In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
