the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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