Welp...herpes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
